Elect Dwight Schmuck in 2008

Schmuck for President

Author of upcoming book entitled

A Schmuck's-Eye View

The ONLY candidate who will tell you up-front that he really is a SCHMUCK!!!
After all, it takes a real Schmuck to beat the bushes.
If you are tired of Skulls without brains, wait till you get a load of me.

My name is Dwight E. Schmuck and I am running as a write-in candidate for U.S. President.

Vital Statistics: I'm married for over 20 years to my third wife. (Once for love, once for money, once for revenge.) I'm on Social Security Disability due to severe back and leg problems. (Hire the handicapped, we're fun to watch.) At least until I sell enough T-shirts.

I have a Bachelor's Degree in Common Sence, a Master's Degree in Rolling with the Punches, and a Ph. D. in Cutting Through Crap, all from the University of Hard Knocks.

I've been a truck and bus driver, mental health aide, furniture maker, baker, chef, journalist, photographer, and too many other things (mostly legal) to mention. What I'm saying is that I have actual, real world work experience, something most people on Capitol Hill have NEVER had. (Bureaucrats are a lesser form of muskrat; their pelts aren't worth near as much.)

I'm doing something NEW here; supporting my campaign WITHOUT taking 'contributions'. I'm supporting my campaign by selling T-shirts, books, etc. I CANNOT be bought by 'corporate political funding'... Corporations CANNOT wear T-shirts... T-shirts are for PEOPLE. (Corperations can be such siwwy wabbits.) And I'm paying taxes on this, too.

The shirts, etc. are all MADE & Printed in the United States of America. This is something else not ALL other candidates do. SOME have THEIR stuff made and printed overseas where its cheaper; I keep US working. This is also NEW. And a challenge.

Lastly, I am running as a write-in candidate because I don't believe any ONE party has ALL the answers. I believe EVERY party has something GOOD to offer. That's what I want... to go to EVERY GOOD party... See you there... ONE & ALL!

Schmuck for President
PO Box 1034
West Dover, VT 05356

10 Reasons to
Elect Dwight Schmuck
President of the U.S.
in 2008
(In no particular
order of importance)

I worked several years in Mental Health. This gives me the training and experience to deal with Congress.
When (not if) you disagree with me, you can just say The President is a SCHMUCK and be 100% correct.
I will push for Federal Legislation opening marriage and the military to gays. Show me in the Constitution where is says it's okay for ONLY heterosexuals to be the ultimate moving targets AND pay child support and alimony.
If elected, I will allow NO White House access to ANY Paid, Professional Lobbyists. I will, however, seek legislation putting a bounty on them.
It's time the working class had a Schmuck on their side. You can't get real PROGRESS by electing the same people. You need a SCHMUCK to beat the bushes.
I won't lie to you. I inhale. Every day. Ask a doctor, ANY doctor the medical term for someone who does not. The term is corpse. Brain dead. I'm neither.
I promise, if elected, to nominate Howard Stern head of the FCC. That'd be FUN.
I want to tie the Social Security to Congressional and Presidential Pensions. Bet it stays solvent then.
I have a plan for Peace in the Mid-East using neither the military, nor weapons; I'd use tourists. (You just need the RIGHT tourists. Heh-heh-heh)
I'll save you money right off by getting rid of the President's Valet. I can pick my own clothes. My wife says so.
(More for your money and it goes Letterman one better.) You will never be bored.